Speaking Without Fear – Are You Afraid of Yourself? June 23, 2008
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
I was taking a little walk the other day when I bumped into this young chap at a bus stop. He was slightly taller, well dressed and proper in his nice shirt and pants. I was in a red jersey, white sports shorts and sandals.
He looked like he was ready to take the world by storm. I looked like I was ready to be hoisted out on a flag pole as the flag of Singapore or Indonesia!
Yes, he was making me look bad by simply standing next to him.
Unable to bear the awkward silence, I broke the silence first and started small talk. It was weird at first. He probably thought I was gay or something. But I managed to win him over after about 30seconds after we both eyed the same cute girl who walked past the both of us…
Anyway, I digress!
We began talking about the weather, how wretched and unpredictable it was and how it was more comfortable to be wearing a light jersey, shorts and sandals as compared to his expensive suit (woo hoo!). Then we began talking about our work. He was an accountant working in one of the local SME (small and medium enterprises) and introduced myself as training in communication and public speaking skills.
By then, our conversation was on autopilot as we waited for our bus to arrive. The name of the “pilot” in my conversation was “Mr Curiosity” as I allowed it to direct and fish out some of the challenges my new found friend had with public speaking. Apparently, it was the usual – fear of failure/falling flat on stage, how to keep the audience interested and what are the things he should do on stage etc.
I’ve heard these things pretty much all the time now – and I must admit it that I face it all the time too. Yet, I’ve also come to recognise that fear can be a powerful ally, and I’ve since learned to let it direct my attention towards areas I need to shore up when I’m preparing to speak.
Yet, the revelations I got from my new friend did remind me of a a couple of pointers too when it comes to managing fear. Here are some of them:
*** My new friend and I aren’t that different – so are many of the people we’ve met and will meet.
Strangers are just friends you haven’t met. Essentially, most of us face the same concerns and face the same challenges. In fact, because our society’s structured and conditioned in a certain way, most of us even share similar values that we can all relate too!
The significance of this revelation is this – if many other people share the same concerns and value as I do, then there’s a higher chance I will be able to relate to them! Or if I don’t, then I there’s at least a higher chance that I would be able to guess correctly what are some of the values, challenges and concerns that other people face when it comes to a particular topic/event/subject!
Of course, I’m taking quite a wild shot in presenting this theory. After all, it’s hard to apply such a generic theory to specific situations or circumstances when there’re specific requirements to be met and cultures to adhere too. Still, it’s a start, and that start can lead you to finding the things you need to meet those expectations – via research.
You see, at the end of the day, researching via interviews and statistics will be able to give you a feel of the general sentiment, mood and perspectives of the people that you’ll be talking to. The best thing you could realise after conducting your research, however, is to realise that you’re not all that different from the people you were afraid to speak to.
In that instance, you would come to realise that your audience are actually extensions of yourself and your friends. They’re not as hostile as you think – and there’s no need to be afraid either.
The key challenge here, however, is for you to research, prepare and preempt the reactions of your audience. Only then would you be in a better position to engage and endear yourself to the people whom you wish to connect with – fearlessly.
Related Posts
Fear Busters – 10 Tips to Overcome Stage Fright
You Make a Difference! June 18, 2008
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Hope & Inspiration, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.1 comment so far
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world: indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
Margaret Mead
We go about doing many things in life. Sometimes, we get so used to doing certain things and being so comfortable with certain people that we start taking them for granted – and forget about the differences they make in our lives.
A friend of mine hadn’t. She found this beautiful email in her inbox one day, and she took the time to send it to me, as a way of thanking me for a difference in her life.
This was the story (in video form), she sent me:
I think the story’s an enlightening read, simply because it highlights how one seemingly small action, and a seemingly minuscule initiative could snowball and impact someone’s life in ways that we could never imagine.
One of the biggest ironies in life, and idiosyncrasies of Man has always been how we seem hope and seek to be make a difference, and yet forget about the seemingly simple and easily doable gestures which can really make a big difference in the lives of other people.
You don’t have to be a star or celebrity to effect change, really. All you need is a willingness to express appreciation and the initiative take the first step. After all, you don’t have to be “great”, to be great!
Be great by making a difference! Spread the joy now by sharing with them this video or this post. Or if you really want to get the pictures for your email, you may get them below! Otherwise (if you can wait) you can send me a mail and I’ll forward them to you! It might take awhile, but I’ll do my best!
Make someone smile today! Make a difference by telling them how they’ve made a difference in your life, today!
Don’t wait! Make a difference, today!
How to Look Confident by Knowing Where and How to Look! December 28, 2007
Posted by Gary in Body Language, Dealing with People, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.3 comments
Many of us have heard about the importance of maintaining eye contact whilst we are speaking. For those of you who aren’t sure about it or are having difficulty recalling the significance of maintaining eye contact here’s a quick recap, followed by simple to use but effectives techniques on how to use your eyes to charm and connect. (more…)
Hook, Line, and Sinker! Your Guide to Creating Interesting Introductions When Meeting New People! November 21, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Networking & Small Talk, Personal Development, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Values and Beliefs.1 comment so far
Has this ever happened to you before?
You walk into a party/meeting… you see a couple of people. None of which you’ve ever met before.
Alone.
You’ve two choices. Strike up a conversation. Or stand at a corner and shroud into oblivion.
Then again, I guess you might very well choose to seek out the person who invited you over first, then proceed with one of the two choices.
Then that’s where it happened. The questions start coming in:
How are you going to start? What are you going to say? And how are you going to keep the conversation going?
Initiating conversations, and keeping them going are probably some of the biggest challenges that people face when it comes to meeting new people. And one of the key concerns that most people have when it comes to striking conversations is maintaining the initiating and maintaining a high level of interest throughout the conversation. That, and attempting to leave a positive and deep impression on the new friends you meet.
How exactly do we strike up conversations that intrigue, interest and leave a deep impression on on the people we just meet? (more…)
Everybody Wants to Be Entertained! August 5, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Humour & Laughter, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Videos & Podcast.add a comment
Everybody wants to be entertained. And when I mean entertained, I do not mean entertainment in the Russel Peters or Jerry Seinfield sense!
Entertainment is not necessarily confined to the field of humour. Horror, mystery, drama and fantasy are other forms of entertainment that appeal to the senses of people. Don’t you think so?
(more…)
Friend over ‘Stranger’ August 5, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk.add a comment
What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you’re about to meet someone new?
Do likely scenarios of rejection flash before your eyes?
Do scenes of embarrassment strike fear into your heart?
Or does fear and uncertainty grip you?
Honestly, who/what exactly do you see when you approach someone whom you’ve never met before? Do you really see a stranger – a six-headed monster with razor sharp teeth who has the ability to inflict pain and embarrassment upon you – or do you really see a potential new friend, whom you have yet to meet, speak to, and spend good times with?
There is a key difference between the two. The perspective you adopt will determine the attitude and your course of action in dealing with these “new people”. Your course of action, would in turn determine the result you have with people.
(more…)
10 Tips to Improve Your Speech July 12, 2007
Posted by Gary in Image and Impressions, Negotiation, Networking & Small Talk, Personal Development, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.4 comments
1. Speed Up, Slow Down
Varying your speed! You can slow down just before you reach the climax of your speech to add to the suspense. Or you can speed up to add drama and excitement to your story. Either way, you may add interest to your speech.
2. Vary your Tone
Same goes to your tone. You may use a high-pitched tone when describing a lady (or how your lady-boss howls at you at work) or a deep raspy one (like how Count Dracula might use to seduce his next victim).
Emulate a firm one for authority, or a more loose and relaxed on to generate that playful mood.
3. Vary your Volume
Increase your VOLUME to EMPHASIZE certain KEY words. Decrease it every now and then to make the audience strain to hear what you have to say.
Varying between the two can help you capture their attention whilst adding interest to the story you’re telling.
4. Pausing for Emphasis
This concept is pretty similar to varying your volume – somewhat. Have you noticed that the audience become particularly sensitive to their surrdoundings when silence is introduced suddenly in a room?
Wouldn’t you look up to check what’s going on the room when the speaker cuts off halfway in silence?
Make full use of this heightened sensitivity to drive home a key word or idea. The words or phrase following this silence should be as short as possible, preferably between 1 – 3 words, to avoid dampening the effect.
5. Eliminate Filler Words
Avoid using words like “Um”, “Er”, “Hmmm”. Generally, these words tend to convey a sense of uncertainty and suggests that you may be unsure of what you’re saying. These would definitely work against you during persuasive and/or sales speeches.
6. Smile!
Smiling (whenever necessary and appropriate) helps take fear away from your mind. Research has proven that a person’s state of mind may be affected by his physiology.
When you appear happy, confident and positive, your mind is forgets about fear and you’re left to enjoy your presentation.
Smile and the whole world smiles with you!
7. Animate
Animate your message! In moderation of course. Gesticulate while trying to make point. Use your fingers to number your points “Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly etc”.
I’ve also realised how powerful facial expressions can be where it comes to animating your messages. Raise your eyebrows to depict surprise or shock. Or squint your eyes to depict skepticism.
There’re a thousand and one ways you can make use of your facial expressions to animate your message. Play around with your expressions and discover what your face can do by practising in front of the mirror!
8. Relax
Most of us are usually able to relate and speak to our family and friends without much difficulty.
Our minds perform best when they’re relaxed and free. Like our muscles, our tensing up can only lead to cramps, and it wouldn’t be nice to have a mental ‘cramp’ while your speaking!
Relax by taking deep breaths and focus on having fun!
9. Practise, Practise, PRACTISE!
Now if you’re still reading this, you may wonder – How may I relax and have fun if I’ve never done “this” before?!
“This”, of course, refers to speaking in public for the first time, or speaking frequently in publc.
Well, to be completely honest, I didn’t enjoy the process of speaking when I first started too. IT WAS HORRIFYING!
But what I really enjoyed was the end product of speaking. I enjoyed knowing that I had taken a step that many others feared taking. And I enjoy having the knowledge that I’m a better person as a result of my act(s) of courage.
Now, I continually seek every opportunity to practise. Every act of courage I take propels me toward becoming a better speaker and person.
And I derive delight after each practice session!
10. Review
So is this a case of “Practise makes perfect”? – NO! It’s useless if you keep repeating the same mistake over and over again whilst hoping for a different a result!
Understand that there’s no perfect speech. Regardless of how good you are as a speaker, or how well delivered a speech was, there will ALWAYS be room for improvement.
Seek to improve yourself continuously. Review each speech session and see which are the areas you might need or want to pay greater attention to.
If required, record yourself and play it back for reviewing later.
Seek advice and feedback from your audience (where appropriate) to highlight blindspots.
Seek materials (like my blog! *winks*) to help you target specific areas for improvement!
Power Sharing! Win Over a ‘Matchmaker’ in Less than 45mins! July 6, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
Great! I’ve just go back from a Toastmasters meeting a local tertiary institution and got to meet several new people (and friends)! The meeting was an eventful one. But what’s really got me piqued about my meeting new people was this little after-meeting conversation that took place with my new friend on our way home.
You see, I’ve never met this young lady prior to today’s meeting, but over next 45 minutes as we journeyed our way home together, we managed to share about our lives in school, past relationships, plans for the future, hobbies and interests, little gripes about her boyfriend and (are you ready for this?), she even offered to recommend me a girlfriend! My, talk about the power of networking!
Now how did I build that rapport over a meagre 45 minutes? Simple, go read my posts on Networking and Positive Image and Impressions!
Now seriously, throughout the conversation, my new friend hinted that I was “hyperactive” and that it was “apparent that (I) held myself in high esteem”. All these while I’m exhausted after my earlier exertions for taking part in an earlier camp (which explains my hiatus over the past week).
Hyperactive? High self-esteem? Are these the known characteristics of an introverted man?
I doubt it. Yet, this was the impression I gave her.
I’m not saying that I lied to win her trust or her friendship. I didn’t. I answered all her questions honestly and truthfully. Yet, despite our difference in age (I’m about half a decade older than her) and difference in our educational backgrounds, we managed to connect. And now we’re friends!
Like what I mentioned in my earlier post in It’s All About You, building rapport will require you to look through the other person’s perspectives and responses and build upon them. It’s also important that you understand what kind of “communication language” that other person is speaking. Noting her youth and exuberance, I could have killed the conversation with my lectures on how to be a better speaker and/or life in university.
Yet, our dialogue was just that – a dialogue! We spoke and we laughed at each other, with each other. And we enjoyed each others’ company throughout the duration of the bus ride! No awkward silences or blank stares.
Now how’s that for a tip on winning friends (and a potential matchmaker) over to your side in less than an hour?
Conversation Starter: Crouching Cuppa, Hidden Dagger June 23, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
Like some great inventions, some great techniques in inter-personal relationships and communication are discovered by accident. I discovered one through such an accident today.
I was helping out in school (yes, I’m still studying!) as a facilitator during our Freshman Admission Day exercise when a group of facilitators (all ‘boys’) gathered and chattered eagerly among themselves. Apparently, they caught sight of a pretty freshman and were daring each other to make the first move to talk to her. She was alone and standing at a corner.
It took awhile for them to mumble among themselves before chickening out. By the way, these ‘boys’ were my seniors in school!
Whilst they were tripping over themselves egging on each other to make the first move, I was at the refreshments counter… when suddenly a thought came to mind. Picking up a cup, I filled it up with punch, walked over to the girl and offered her a drink – which she gladly accepted. We spoke on for the next 15 – 20mins… and I forgot all about the ‘boys’.
In all honesty, I’ve never really created ‘props’ like this before to initiate conversations. And today’s experience has highlighted to me the important role props may play where it comes to initiating contact with strangers.
Seriously, a conversation prop may serve as both a shield and a sword.
Allow me to explain the dynamics:
Prelude
Taking this morning’s event as an example, since the lady was standing alone, my sudden approach could have had a startling and destablising effect on her. And especially for Asians, this sudden approach may appear weird since our culture dictates that we be more reserved, and we can be quite shy.
Secondly, since the room was bustling with people and she was standing alone, I couldn’t really be sure if she was a crazy psycho waiting to snap, or if she was waiting for someone else. Therefore, I needed a test to know her current state of mind.
The Shield
Notice that there can only be two outcomes to my offer: She either accepts it, or declines.
Should she decline, I’d know that she’s not in the ‘friendly’ mode and it’s better to leave her alone. And since her declination of the drink is just that – a declination to drink. She was not rejecting me personally, and there’s no damage inflicted on my ego.
The Sword
Now on the other hand, since she had accepted the drink, I knew that she had accepted my gesture of goodwill and that split second allowed me to determine that she was in a receptive state of mind. The result of the ‘test’ allowed me to take a step closer to knowing her better, and build on the conversation.
So here’s one more strategy you can use to initiate conversations and make the first move! If you like to know more about starting and maintaining conversations and the dynamics of small talk, feel free to check out my related posts below! I believe you may also find Doug’s comment about how the prop his dad used to initiate conversations under my post titled Conversation Starters.
Seriously, I think these are valuable resources for anyone who hates retreating into their shell whenever they want to meet new people, or for anyone who simply wants to make more friends! They are easy to use and execute, and don’t require much money to execute!
All one needs is the desire and willingness and knowledge on how to breakthrough!
Now go out check them out and make a new friend today!
Related Posts:
Conversation Starters
It’s All About You
It’s All About You – Body Language
Pour Your Heart Into It! June 16, 2007
Posted by Gary in Networking & Small Talk, Personal Development, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.add a comment
Where it comes to speaking and fulfillment of goals, it came to my attention that seldom does one succeed without enthusiasm, passion and belief.
Like a laser beam, I believe that when we are able to focus all our energies – mental and physical – onto a particular task or goal, half the battle is won with our intense desire to win.
Can you imagine a motivational speaker who’s trying to inspire his audience to embrace nobler ideals and beliefs, when he himself isn’t convinced in what he’s preaching?
How about a product salesman who’s trying to sell you something… would you believe in his sales pitch that “it’s the best product in the world” when even he hesitates to use it?
*
Belief is a crucial factor where it comes to summoning our passion, enthusiasm and abilities.
I believe, that with total belief, our minds become focused on achieving a particular task. Suddenly, all that we see are the things that we CAN do, and HOW CAN we solve the problems. The question becomes: “HOW CAN WE SUCCEED”, instead of “how we could fail”.
Beliefs breed confidence. And confidence breeds action. Action breeds results. And results in turn breed more confidence. This is what I call the empowerment cycle.
Confidence is a funny concept. Somehow, it’s extremely infectious!
A confident general inspires his soldiers, and they’d gladly give their lives at the command of their leader.
Same goes to a confident partner in a romantic relationship. A confident partner instills security in the other person and leaves him/her assured of their mutual stature for each other. Could you imagine two insecure people together in a relationship!? It’s not going to be a pretty sight, that’s for sure!
People are generally drawn to those who possess the energy and drive in life. These are the passionate and enthusiastic individuals that we so often see making waves in the corporate or social organisations. Of course there are exceptions. Yet, it’s hardly usual to see an insecure person helming an organisation for long. Wouldn’t you agree?
Similarly, where it comes to making a powerful and impressive speech, it is crucial to bear in mind that it’s not really about WHAT you say. It’s about HOW you say it!
When was the last time you found yourself swayed by a person who sounded immensely excited about what he has to say? It could have been the discovery of a new stock/share on the market with immense potential (or less than immense potential) and you went along with it just because he sounded so enthusiastic and convincing?!
Regardless of the content, who would you prefer listening to? A person who’s genuinely excited about what he/she has to say, or a person who’s just really excited (like that bland tasting cup of coffee)?
I’ve observed that it’s always easier to speak about what you’re keenly interested and passionate about than to speak about something you’ve no interest in. Isn’t that true?
Incidentally, it’s always more pleasurable to listen to someone who knows what he’s saying (or think he knows what he’s saying) than someone who appears jittery and nervous. Isn’t that true as well?
If you were to speak about the first time your son/daughter got a 100% in his/her quiz or the time when he came out tops in a local competition, would you have to think about it much before you began sharing about it to your neighbour(s)? Or have you met someone who couldn’t stop talking to you about their favourite stamp collection album… could you get them to stop (even after 323 attempts at trying to stop the conversation)?
Granted it, the last example’s a negative one! We really don’t want to bore our audiences! Yet, I’d like to use that example to highlight how much easier speaking could be when we Pour Our Heart Into It.
And how about the case of trying to make impactful speech?
Same thing goes: Pour Your Heart Into It! Let your passion and enthusiasm show! But this time, make sure it relates to the audience. There’s no point talking about your stamp collection when your listener is only interested in collecting bottle caps!
Speak with enthusiasm! Live with passion!
What would your success story be?
Handling Criticisms June 2, 2007
Posted by Gary in Networking & Small Talk, Personal Development, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing
Most people hate getting critcised. Many people try to avoid it. Yet, there’s really no way to get away from it.
I recall this story of the mule and the Old Man and His Grandson…
There was once an Old Man and his Grandson, travelling to the city market with their mule and luggage. Midway through their journey, they chanced upon a group of men, who commented that the couple were “idiots for walking” when they had a mule.
Thinking that they made sense, the old man lifted his grandson onto the mule and joined him soon after.
A little while later, they came across a group of middle aged women. Like the men earlier, they too commented. This time, however, they criticised the pair for lack of sympathy and thoughtlessness for making the mule bear both their weight.
Taking their words to heart, the old man alighted and proceed on foot.
Again, (they must have been cursed or something) a little while later the pair chance upon another group of women who criticised the grandson for making his aged companion walk!
Ashamed, the little boy alighted and had his grandfather rest atop the mule.
To complete the sequence (and prove that they were really cursed!), the pair came across one more group of a few teenagers a few moments later. Incensed that the man was making the young boy walk, the group criticised the old man for being selfish!
Bewildered, the pair did next best thing they could…
…THEY CARRIED THE MULE FOR THE REST OF THE JOURNEY!
* * *
Moral of the story: You cannot please everybody.
Since we can’t please everyone with whatever we do, then why bother getting so preoccupied with it in the first place?
Many of us become so concerned with pre-empting criticisms that our actions and thoughts revolve around trying avoid getting criticised than what’s the best thing to do. The opportunity cost of this is often a result that is less than appealing and attractive than what we could’ve achieved had we dedicated our efforts to evaluating our choices and next course of action!
What do you think?
Are you preoccupied with what people might think of you when speaking or meeting new people?
Or are you really focused on getting to know other people and giving them value?
“I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key
to failure is trying to please everyone.”
- Bill Cosby
Conversation Starters May 24, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, The Shy Speakers' Guide.3 comments
You’ve heard of fire starters. Now I’m going to introduce the concept of “conversation starters”, a tool which you can use to ignite a conversation!
Initiating a conversation is pretty much like starting a fire. You start it and you want it to burn. You don’t want it to die prematurely and endure the smoky, awkward silence. I would like to think of igniting a big fire as equivalent to starting many small ‘fires’ along the way to keep it going.
The following are some of the sure-fire (pun intended) tips on how to get a conversation going and how to keep it going:
1a. General inquiries about oneself
Questions of these genre include:
How are you?
How have you been?
What have you been doing lately?
You look ________…
You don’t look too _________…
1b. Take it one step further
ie: After saying “You don’t look very comfortable. Stayed up late working?
Human beings are programmed and socialized to be accurate and will seek to right the inaccurate assumption through clarification. And unless they’re genuinely not interested in talking to you, you would be able to strike up a conversation with anyone who starts to talk about why they look the way they do!
2a. Weather
It’s a hot day today isn’t it?
It’s raining cats and dogs outside today?
That’s a very bad storm isn’t it?
The keys to weather questions lie in griping. Of course you could talk about a beautiful day too, or about that rainbow you see outside. But nothing gets on people’s nerves more than something they’re really frustrated about… and there’s no gripe topic quite as universal as bad weather.
2b. Take it one step further
Goodness, I’m all soaked! And so are you! Bad weather isn’t it?
My, it’s so hot outside! What’s it, like 40 degrees celcius?
(And my favourite) My, it’s so hot outside! May I have a tissue/napkin? It’s horrbible weather don’t you think?
3a. Appearance Questions
Got a new haircut?
New dress?
New shirt?
New shoes?
New glasses? etc…
3b. Take it one step further
Nice Shirt! Where did you get it?
Nice pants… Where’d you get it?
Nice … ok… you get the trick
The key to Appearance Questions, is sincerity. Though it’s applied universally to all the earlier two questions types as well, sincerity is especially important in Appearance-type Questions.
You can’t win if you lie, because there may well be 10 other people who might comment that the particular dress stinks. And if you flout the rule of sincerity one time too often, news of your ingenuity is going to spread and nobody will ever take you seriously again. An insincere appraisal of someone is a big insult, and insults hurt. Hurt enough, and you’ll become unpopular. it’s as simple as that.
Never underestimate the power of Sincerity!
For tips on how to keep the conversation going, you may refer to my earlier post on It’s All About You!
Making new friends is fun! Isn’t it time to for you to add more fun to life?
How to Be Funny – The Mechanics of Humour May 15, 2007
Posted by Gary in Body Language, Dealing with People, Humour & Laughter, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Videos & Podcast.4 comments
Now as promised, this post is a follow up on the Principle of Humour! Yes! Finally!
Having been a pretty boring and dull person earlier on (well, I’m sure I’m still guilty of it sometimes!), I began examining exactly what tickled people’s funny bone, be it in social situations or in private. My search led me to the discovery of what I called, the Principle of Humour.
However, knowing the underlying principle wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to specifically what were the Mechanics of Humour. I wanted to know what were the real nuts and bolts and tools that make people laugh! The specific tools that allows us to create surprises! Here are some of the most powerful tools I’ve learnt and used to great effect!
1) Exaggerate It!
This technique involves one-uping or blowing up a certain situation or idea beyond its most commonly anticipated form in people’s mind. Hey, we are talking about creating surprises here! And exaggeration is a sure way of making sure that the impression or point your trying to bring across will be an “EXTRAORDINARY” one!
What a way to be remembered!
2) Twist It!
We all know how conversations seem to take a certain life and direction on it’s own when we’re talking with other people. Have you ever realised that there’re times when you could almost predict what’re the sentences and words that will next come out of the speakers mouth?
Yes! We are all intelligent people and so we’ve learnt to anticipate what’s coming up next, either consciously or subconsciously. So, can you imagine how we could exploit this human tendancy to anticipate to create surprises? Yes! By “Twisting It!”
Twisting It involves leading our listener down the familiar road which allows us to predict or preempt our listener’s response by inserting it with a totally unexpected answer – preferably a drastic one (see point 1)!
Take for example a conversation with a friend who asks you if you went out with that hot waiter/waitress you both met the other day.
Friend: So, did you ask her out?
You: Sure did!
Friend: How did it go?
You: It was unforgetable!
Friend: Wow! That great? Tell me about it!
You: She was a transvestite.
Ok… something like this. You get the picture!
3) Animate It!
Bring your message to life! Act it out! Humour isn’t all just about wit and humour and words. Have you ever stopped to think that even mime’s can be funny?
Usage of vocal variety and tones, facial expression and exagerrated body gestures are some ways of animating your message and bringing it to life! Imagine the surprises you’ll be creating in the lives of people who are so used to dealing with words in the form of forms, powerpoint, documents, contracts, notes, handouts, fliers, newspapers (the list goes on!) etc. Think about the impact you’ll be making!
I was tempted to show a video each after each principle to highlight each point. However, I believe that you woulld have realised by now that the 3 principles above work best when they are used with each other! So, here they are some exhibits below for your ‘reference’. See if you can spot those principles in action!
Peugeot
Budlight
Movie Trailer
Partners
And last but not least…
Ramen
I’m pretty sure you’ve got a clearer idea of the mechanics and principle of humour. So, what are you waiting for? Go make someone laugh today!
After all, don’t you enjoy a good laugh too?
Speaking to Sell May 8, 2007
Posted by Gary in Communicating with Children, Dealing with People, Image and Impressions, Negotiation, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, Sales & Persuasion, The Shy Speakers' Guide.add a comment
Sales and Selling has often been linked with the concept of persuasion and “getting people to spend money”. The idea of selling has therefore been tinged with a dose of negativity and skepticism.
However, despite the dictionary definition of the term “selling”, and the occupation that’s associated with it, the “salesman/salesperson”, selling is a universal activity that’s not confined to the ordinary sales associate that you see at our shopping malls and shops. A closer examination of the concept of “selling” however, reveals one thing:
WE ARE ALL SALES PEOPLE!
Consider this, when you’re making a presentation to your boss on why you should receive your promotion, aren’t you actually trying to sell him an idea? And when he rejects you, isn’t he trying to sell you another idea on why he won’t be promoting you (yet)?
How about the times when you’re trying to coax your little one to eat his/her vegetables? Or go to school? Aren’t you trying to sell him/her the benefits of (or the pain of not) eating vegetables?
What about social situations? Aren’t you trying to get people to like you when you meet someone new? Hey, what about that cute girl/guy that you meet at the party? `Nuff said!
Selling is a universal concept. Like it or not, we are all sales people in our respective fields and domains in life. Everybody is selling something everyday!
So, regardless of what you do, whether you’re a professional salesperson, a parent, a teacher, trainer, student or whoever! You’ve got to sell!
Well here are some pointers on how to sell effectively. In reverse order of importance:
3) Understand the specialties of your product/service.
How does it differentiate from the other similar products/services/ideas around?
2) Is your product competitive?
What are the advantages of using your product/service/idea?
1) How will it BENEFIT the your “customer”?
The benefits of solving the problem are fundamentally the key reasons why your “customer” is looking for something at the end of the day. Be it an idea/product/service – the “sale” should revolve around how your customer will come up tops by getting what he/she wants.
Therefore a key tip to your presentation/negotiation success would be to revolve your presentation around the benefits your “customer” would be getting!
So, what’s going to be your next big sales success?
Great Impressions – Is it Mere Lying? April 30, 2007
Posted by Gary in Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, Personal Development, The Shy Speakers' Guide.add a comment
One of the most commonly asked questions where leaving positive impressions are concerned, can be summarised by the question below:
“Is trying to leave good impression equivalent to lying”?
Other permutations of the question include “Is the ‘creation’ of a good impression similar to creating an illusion?” and is leaving a positive impression is “all about putting up an act in front of other people”?
Boy was I glad to hear those questions! Seriously, I am delighted to hear that you are concerned with knowing the truth! Because they are honest and genuine concerns of the people and it goes to show that people are really concerned and uncomfortable with putting up an act to deceive others! Nobody likes to wear a mask in life. Trust me! Even more so, nobody likes to lie through their teeth!
So to lay those concerns to rest, I can assure you that leaving best impressions aren’t really about lying. Leaving positive impressions is all about presenting the best side of you to the people you’ve just met! It’s not about concealing or hiding one’s negative traits – because like it or not, we’ve all got our strengths and weaknesses. We’ve all got our ups and downs and little idiosyncrasies that probably nobody, not even our parents, understand! So since we really can’t hide it forever, I’d say forget about being to preoccupied with hiding them! Realise that we’re only human… and human beings do make mistakes and possess weaknesses! It’s the same for you and for me!
Yet hey, while I’m asking you to acknowledge that we’re not perfect, I’m also asking you to be courteous and make the other person comfortable during your meetings with other people, while actively seeking to shore up your weaknesses through personal development!
I’d like you to make the other person smile and put he/she at ease. Make him/her feel like he/she is the most important person in the world and that he/she is as valuable (not worthless!) as everyone else! Hey, I know of some bosses who really treat their employees like dough! So isn’t it refreshing to meet someone who is cultured, sophisticated, positive and respectful towards others for a change? Is it too much that I ask you to introduce a little fun into the conversations and make the other person laugh, just because you can do it and you want to have an enjoyable time too?
Of course not! Everybody enjoys having a good time and a good laugh!
Yet, as we actively pursue becoming a better conversationalist or networker, doing what the “normal” people can’t in social situations will put you head and shoulders above the rest!
Making people comfortable and making them laugh or feel appreciated is not about lying. Neither is it a negative trait!
Leaving positive impressions is really about displaying the best side of you. It’s about you NOW, not what you aren’t and trying to be like that charmer which you see in the movies! And it’s also about what you would like to do and how you would like others to treat you! And the good news is, the more we learn, the better we become as a person, and in turn the better the impressions we would be able to leave on people!
See once again, like my previous post on Sincerity I’m asking you to be true to yourself and others. Because lies and falsity cannot hold water and if you try to build too much on a raft of lies, chances are you’ll sink your own boat!
But if you were to build your personality and ability to deal with people based on who you REALLY are, then congratulations, leaving positive impressions would become part of you. People will remember you for the wonderful person whom you really are every time you meet someone new!
So now, stop thinking about ‘putting on an act’. Let the beautiful person that is within you flow to meet other people. No doubt it’s going to take some work. This is, after all, a personal-development skill! And development takes work!
Remember, looks fade and money’s spent. But a great personality lasts for eternity!
Now pick yourself up and continue building yourself! You can do it!
