Leading Competently with the Language of Leadership September 26, 2009
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Lessons in Leadership, Personal Development, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
The role of a leader is to lead. Sounds like a no-brainer huh? What is a leader if nobody chooses to follow him?
I was once told by my platoon commander when I was serving the Singapore Armed Forces that “the biggest fear a leader is to look over his shoulders and realise that nobody is following him”.
That day was the last day I left the camp and green uniform behind. But the words have stuck with me since.
In essence, it truly highlights the principle that “A Leader is only a Leader when there are people Following him”, and that a Leader is nothing without without his followers and supporters.
That begs the second question then: Why do people follow anyone else?
There are several reasons for this. But without going too deep into philosophy and/or sociology, I think that people generally follow somebody else’s lead because it is perceived that the everybody can get the job done in a better fashion.
Mind you, this does not naturally mean that the hearts and mind of the people are won and that they would follow somebody wholeheartedly. Seldom do we see something like that happen.
The power of leadership may come as a “natural endowment”, ie, people vest their trust and loyalty upon a leader voluntarily. Others may come as a form of “vested authority”, ie, authority is delegated and the leader is appointed. In effect, you can interpret it as empowerment through democracy and/or authoritative means. Each method has its merits and I won’t go into detail about that.
Yet, like it or not, a leader has to be able to wield an appropriate degree of the various leadership tools that are of both “democratic” and “authoritative” nature from time to time to get their work done.
Having worked with a fair deal of people of who were stepping into leadership roles without extensive experience of handling mega projects prior to their latest appointments, I had a quite a good time observing the similarities and differences that lie behind what makes a competent and experienced leader.
The way they communicate is one such difference. Here are some communication principles that separate competent leaders from inexperienced ones:
Why Struggle When You Can Share? August 15, 2009
Posted by Gary in Articles, Dealing with People, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections, Values and Beliefs.1 comment so far
Dare to Share
I got to read a really touching story in the local newspaper lately which really reminded me of the time I spent with my mother too. (See post)
Besides reminding me of my own story, I thought this article might be a worthy read for you too. Take some time to read the article below and reflect upon it and your life.
Here it is… (more…)
Six Speaking Skills You Need For Managing a Crisis June 1, 2009
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Events & Experiences, Lessons in Leadership, Public Speaking, Sales & Persuasion, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections, Toastmasters.add a comment
I got the privilege of evaluating an advanced project during a meeting at Tampines Changkat Toastmasters Club this evening. The project was on “Crisis Management”. The speaker was expected chair a media conference and deliver an official statement addressing a crisis that had struck the organization that he was working for. Thereafter, he would be required to chair a question and answer session from members of the media – tough interrogators who are hungry for sound bites and hawkish for answers.
The speaker had to be on his toes and watch what he said – for any slip could further stoke the flames and potentially devastate the company further.
The speaker who attempted this project for the night, Gregory Ernoult, ACB, managed this challenge admirably. In fact, it was such an admirable attempt that it helped to surface a few pertinent points in crisis/media management and prompted me to blog about it (for you) too!
Since it’s close to 4am, and I’m too tired and lazy to think of an alternative structure to share those ideas, I shall proceed simply by sharing the three main areas Greg did particularly well in followed by the three suggestions I thought he could use to enhance his presentation and Q&A. But before we begin, we’ll have to understand the setting for his “crisis” first. (more…)
The AWARE Saga – Prelude to Leadership Fatalities May 8, 2009
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Events & Experiences, Lessons in Leadership, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections, Videos & Podcast.add a comment
Courtesy of Lucious Young
Those of you who’re in Singapore would be no stranger to the AWARE saga – an event (or some say coup) involving a Civil Society in Singapore that caught the young nation’s attention.
For those of you who are (*ahem*) unAWARE (pardon the pun), of what this is about, you may read on to find out more. Otherwise, you may skip this prelude to proceed straight to the lessons on Leadership Fatalities
Leadership Fatalities – 5 Mistakes a Leader Must Never Make! May 8, 2009
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Events & Experiences, Lessons in Leadership, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections, Videos & Podcast.3 comments
Image Courtesy of Channel NewsAsia
“The feeling in the room was electrifying. I still can’t get over the fact that we got Aware back. It is a great moral victory.”
- Constance Singam, past president of Aware
You would probably know the story by know. But I’d like to take the analysis of the Old Guard’s victory one step further and examine it under the microscope of communication and the fatal mistakes the New Guard made as leaders – for your benefit of course. (*winks*)
The following are 5 Leadership Fatalities that a leader must NEVER make: (more…)
The Importance of Communication – An Interview with NUS Students October 11, 2008
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Events & Experiences, Personal Development, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.2 comments
Miscommunication
Two weeks back, I received an interview request from a group of friends who were working on a project concerning “miscommunication in the workplace”. They were keen on examining the concept of “effective communication” and “miscommunication” and gather some practical tips which students can use to enhance their ability to communicate.
I thought the questions my friends were asking would make an interesting topic for discussion. After all, we do know the dangers of communication – but how prevalent is it, and how can we avoid it? Well, that’s food for thought, and it’s the topic for today’s post! Read on! (more…)
Miscommunication: When “You’re Wrong” Actually Means “You’re Right!” June 25, 2008
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Personal Development, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
I was sharing a meal with a couple a few days back and I got to witness a hilarious spectacle – they were arguing with each other. And it all began with the word “No.”
Alright… it didn’t really begin with the word “No”. But it was the word that sparked the argument between men and wife when everything really began as an one-sided explanation to a third party (me).
You see, Denise was explaining to me some of her concerns she had about an employee of hers. Unable to comprehend her motivation for some of her actions and decisions, I enquired further. However, much of the subsequent explanation and elaboration failed to enlighten me. That was when her husband attempted to make things clearer… (more…)
Speaking Without Fear – Are You Afraid of Yourself? June 23, 2008
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
I was taking a little walk the other day when I bumped into this young chap at a bus stop. He was slightly taller, well dressed and proper in his nice shirt and pants. I was in a red jersey, white sports shorts and sandals.
He looked like he was ready to take the world by storm. I looked like I was ready to be hoisted out on a flag pole as the flag of Singapore or Indonesia!
Yes, he was making me look bad by simply standing next to him.
Unable to bear the awkward silence, I broke the silence first and started small talk. It was weird at first. He probably thought I was gay or something. But I managed to win him over after about 30seconds after we both eyed the same cute girl who walked past the both of us…
Anyway, I digress!
We began talking about the weather, how wretched and unpredictable it was and how it was more comfortable to be wearing a light jersey, shorts and sandals as compared to his expensive suit (woo hoo!). Then we began talking about our work. He was an accountant working in one of the local SME (small and medium enterprises) and introduced myself as training in communication and public speaking skills.
By then, our conversation was on autopilot as we waited for our bus to arrive. The name of the “pilot” in my conversation was “Mr Curiosity” as I allowed it to direct and fish out some of the challenges my new found friend had with public speaking. Apparently, it was the usual – fear of failure/falling flat on stage, how to keep the audience interested and what are the things he should do on stage etc.
I’ve heard these things pretty much all the time now – and I must admit it that I face it all the time too. Yet, I’ve also come to recognise that fear can be a powerful ally, and I’ve since learned to let it direct my attention towards areas I need to shore up when I’m preparing to speak.
Yet, the revelations I got from my new friend did remind me of a a couple of pointers too when it comes to managing fear. Here are some of them:
*** My new friend and I aren’t that different – so are many of the people we’ve met and will meet.
Strangers are just friends you haven’t met. Essentially, most of us face the same concerns and face the same challenges. In fact, because our society’s structured and conditioned in a certain way, most of us even share similar values that we can all relate too!
The significance of this revelation is this – if many other people share the same concerns and value as I do, then there’s a higher chance I will be able to relate to them! Or if I don’t, then I there’s at least a higher chance that I would be able to guess correctly what are some of the values, challenges and concerns that other people face when it comes to a particular topic/event/subject!
Of course, I’m taking quite a wild shot in presenting this theory. After all, it’s hard to apply such a generic theory to specific situations or circumstances when there’re specific requirements to be met and cultures to adhere too. Still, it’s a start, and that start can lead you to finding the things you need to meet those expectations – via research.
You see, at the end of the day, researching via interviews and statistics will be able to give you a feel of the general sentiment, mood and perspectives of the people that you’ll be talking to. The best thing you could realise after conducting your research, however, is to realise that you’re not all that different from the people you were afraid to speak to.
In that instance, you would come to realise that your audience are actually extensions of yourself and your friends. They’re not as hostile as you think – and there’s no need to be afraid either.
The key challenge here, however, is for you to research, prepare and preempt the reactions of your audience. Only then would you be in a better position to engage and endear yourself to the people whom you wish to connect with – fearlessly.
Related Posts
Fear Busters – 10 Tips to Overcome Stage Fright
You Make a Difference! June 18, 2008
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Hope & Inspiration, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.1 comment so far
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world: indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
Margaret Mead
We go about doing many things in life. Sometimes, we get so used to doing certain things and being so comfortable with certain people that we start taking them for granted – and forget about the differences they make in our lives.
A friend of mine hadn’t. She found this beautiful email in her inbox one day, and she took the time to send it to me, as a way of thanking me for a difference in her life.
This was the story (in video form), she sent me:
I think the story’s an enlightening read, simply because it highlights how one seemingly small action, and a seemingly minuscule initiative could snowball and impact someone’s life in ways that we could never imagine.
One of the biggest ironies in life, and idiosyncrasies of Man has always been how we seem hope and seek to be make a difference, and yet forget about the seemingly simple and easily doable gestures which can really make a big difference in the lives of other people.
You don’t have to be a star or celebrity to effect change, really. All you need is a willingness to express appreciation and the initiative take the first step. After all, you don’t have to be “great”, to be great!
Be great by making a difference! Spread the joy now by sharing with them this video or this post. Or if you really want to get the pictures for your email, you may get them below! Otherwise (if you can wait) you can send me a mail and I’ll forward them to you! It might take awhile, but I’ll do my best!
Make someone smile today! Make a difference by telling them how they’ve made a difference in your life, today!
Don’t wait! Make a difference, today!
Power Failure – How Not to Use Your Body… May 31, 2008
Posted by Gary in Body Language, Dealing with People, General, Image and Impressions, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.8 comments
It has often been said that sound and words – the verbal and vocal aspects of communication, aren’t the only way to transmit and communicate ideas. And that’s true as far as the Vocal, Verbal and Visual trinity are concerned. Therefore, as speakers and presenters on stage, we’re often required to rely on not only the power of words and vocal variety, we’d often need to supplement them with our gestures, expressions, poise and general movements on stage.
Now, having shared with everyone earlier about the some of the moves that speakers can use on stage in my post on Power Moves, I’ve been receiving requests to follow up on that post with an entry of moves to avoid on stage. Now I use the word “avoid” because I’ve never believed in the concept of absolutes. The moves that I’m about to show you will have it’s uses in specific circumstances. However, their use should be kept to a minimal, if not zero, during general speeches and general circumstances.
So, now that I’ve got my disclaimer out of the way, let us start by examining some of the troublesome tendencies we have on stage: (more…)
Keys to a Question – How to Sound Intelligent when Asking a Question? April 17, 2008
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Image and Impressions, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.2 comments
I want to ask a Question!
How many of you have had the following experience: We listen intently to the mechanics and instructions during a lecture/briefing session and our brilliant brains identify a gap/question which needs to be addressed. Yet, gripped with fear and shyness, we let the questions pass… only to have them surface later during the course of our work, or allow a co-worker/rival steal ahead of us to “showcase” their wonderful thought process and impress the boss?
Breaking the silence and raising a question can be an extremely scary prospect. Sometimes, it’s really out of respect that we do not wish to rock the boat or question the speaker’s authority or intelligence that keeps us quiet. Other times, we’re just afraid of looking stupid because we’re afraid that we might ask the “wrong” question.
Well, regardless the reason for your fear, I’ve got news to share with you!:
THERE’S A SAFE AND SOUND WAY TO ASK QUESTIONS WITHOUT RUNNING THE RISK OF LOOKING STUPID OR SHOWING DISRESPECT TO THE SPEAKER!!!
(PS: And it could boost your perceived intelligence too! *winks*)
Won’t you like to find out how asking questions can be a painless and rewarding process? Check out the following keys you can use to ignite your question: (more…)
Mom’s Lesson #7 – Love + Sacrifce April 13, 2008
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Hope & Inspiration, Personal Development, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.1 comment so far
I could still remember the days. It was dark, cold, and I was sweaty. My bed was soaked with perspiration and the room was warm and stuffy. More often than not, I’d be running a temperature, and I’d be feeling miserable. There, as I tossed, turned and drifted in shallow sleep, the ceilings lights were flicked on.
Then as I lay there in misery, a calm and soothing voice would rouse me from my hollowed sleep, saying, “It’s time to have your medicine, boy”.
A spoonful of cough mixture, a handful of tablets, and a glass of water were the normal concoction of ‘potions’ that often greet me in the dead of night. Slowly, gently, they were fed into my hands, for me to toss into my mouth, before I wade back to dream… at 3am in the morning.
At 5 years old, I didn’t know it but my Mom was teaching me the biggest lesson of my life. (more…)
How to Look Confident by Knowing Where and How to Look! December 28, 2007
Posted by Gary in Body Language, Dealing with People, Networking & Small Talk, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.3 comments
Many of us have heard about the importance of maintaining eye contact whilst we are speaking. For those of you who aren’t sure about it or are having difficulty recalling the significance of maintaining eye contact here’s a quick recap, followed by simple to use but effectives techniques on how to use your eyes to charm and connect. (more…)
Hook, Line, and Sinker! Your Guide to Creating Interesting Introductions When Meeting New People! November 21, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Networking & Small Talk, Personal Development, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Values and Beliefs.1 comment so far
Has this ever happened to you before?
You walk into a party/meeting… you see a couple of people. None of which you’ve ever met before.
Alone.
You’ve two choices. Strike up a conversation. Or stand at a corner and shroud into oblivion.
Then again, I guess you might very well choose to seek out the person who invited you over first, then proceed with one of the two choices.
Then that’s where it happened. The questions start coming in:
How are you going to start? What are you going to say? And how are you going to keep the conversation going?
Initiating conversations, and keeping them going are probably some of the biggest challenges that people face when it comes to meeting new people. And one of the key concerns that most people have when it comes to striking conversations is maintaining the initiating and maintaining a high level of interest throughout the conversation. That, and attempting to leave a positive and deep impression on the new friends you meet.
How exactly do we strike up conversations that intrigue, interest and leave a deep impression on on the people we just meet? (more…)
That’s Not a Look, It’s My Face! October 20, 2007
Posted by Gary in Body Language, Dealing with People, Personal Development, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.5 comments
It wasn’t too long ago when people came up to me to ask, “Gary, why so moody?”
Actually, there weren’t many people coming up to me… quite simply because of the “look” I was wearing. The problem was… it wasn’t my “look”… it was my FACE! (more…)
