Why Wait Till Death? July 25, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Image and Impressions, Random Observations, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.1 comment so far
I was letting my thoughts run wild when suddenly a thought came to mind. It seemed to strike me that lots of words of appreciation and positivity seem to appear at the time of a person’s death. Words like “He was a good man, always eager to help and make a difference…” and “She was always there for me when I needed a listening ear…” etc.
Why is it that such words of appreciation seem to appear only upon a person’s death? Why do we reserve such powerful, moving words for times when the main characters whom these are dedicated to are gone? Why do we only speak of them when they’re no longer around?
It makes no sense! Here we are living, craving for appreciation and it’s emotional fulfillment, finding it hard to come by… only to receive it when we’re gone – when it no longer matters anymore!
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You Can’t Beat Experience July 25, 2007
Posted by Gary in Events & Experiences, Personal Development, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.1 comment so far
I got this story from a local newspaper – The Straits Times (Singapore) and found it very relevant to our learning journey. It is about how an ITE (Institute of Technical Education) graduate’s commitment to learning has paid off since he left school. Now without giving too much away, read the story below!
Singapore – MR TONY KAM’s O-level results were not good enough to get him into a pre-university course – but his career turned out pretty well after all.
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Stand Out or Lose Out July 23, 2007
Posted by Gary in The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
key message: Standing out to win – only when you rise about the rest are you putting yourself in a position to succeed
A winner is after all, the one who’s able to do what others cannot do!
Losing out – can there be any winner if everybody comes in second? There’s nothing special. No X-factor! Imagine if everybody were just satisfied with the status quo – what would have become of the modern civilisation?
Herd mentality will not help you discover that X-factor
people are attracted to leaders – the charismatics and courageous. People are attracted to those who possess qualities that they wish they had.
These qualities can be learnt!
It has come to my attention… several times actually, that the one who stands out, is usually the one who wins.
Don’t you think so?
Consider a boy who bothers to do his homework, amidst a class of sluggish and unmotivated children. Who do you think automatically gains the teachers’ trust, admiration and attention over time?
Now consider a knowledgeable and opinionated individual, who has intense insight and knowledge about the workings in his particular field. Wouldn’t he be able to stand out amongst his rivals and competitors too?
Perhaps – if he IS recognised. But how exactly does one get recognised?
We’re living in a world of intense competition. There’s no doubt about that. Factor the widespread and easy access everybody has to information. Information and knowledge are just a mouse click or bookshop away! It’s no longer sufficient to know – anyone can do that now.
The ability to work isn’t even the primary requisite of success now. After all, how would anyone employ you and your expertise if they didn’t know about it in the first place?
Everything really boils down to communication now, isn’t it?
Individuals must understand that they would have to communicate their expertise and abilities to those who demand them in order to make their mark.
In addition, corporations all over are more than ever, are seeking charismatic individuals with the ability to lead and influence their highly educated team of employees of today. This is the new requisites that employers are expecting from their subordinates in this age of Information and Technology.
Consider the other side too. The need to stand out in inter-personal relationships. People are naturally attracted to leaders and competent communicators, people who are charismatic and courageous. Generally, the masses are attracted to individuals who possess qualities which they wish they had. Haven’t you noticed that people are naturally drawn to those who are possess the ability to entertain and move others to action.
A person’s success in life depends very much on his niche. His X-factor as some people might call it. It’s this unique quality that sets him apart from the rest. And communication plays a big part in enhancing that X-factor.
The good news for everyone is, the principles of enhancing this X-factor, the principles charisma and effective communication can be learnt.
The bigger question is, would you want to Stand Out, Or Lose Out?
Tips for “Perfect” Speech July 19, 2007
Posted by Gary in Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.add a comment
I just saw a search query on my dashboard. Apparently, someone found my blog whilst searching for “Tips for a Perfect Speech”.
Now that really got me intrigued! Because neither me, nor my mentor and several other speakers whom we know of believe that there is such a thing as a perfect speech!
The reason, as many of you would have known by now: We’re always growing and learning new things. Same goes when we deliver a speech – we learn and gain new insights and perspectives and our potential and abilities to deliver a better speech improves.
Personally, I think that one is setting him/herself up for failure when he considers himself to have delivered the “Perfect” Speech. Where else can one go when he has already reached the top?
There is nowhere else to go… but down.
Anthony Robbins once mentioned that many people failed due to the “trap of success”. Apparently, people had gotten so successful at what they did that they forgot about what they did to get themselves there. Neglecting the details and formulas for success, and resting on their laurels, their performance began dipping. Failure soon followed.
Yet, while there may be NO ABSOLUTE PERFECT SPEECH, I would like to share my own version of what a “Perfect” Speech should be Like. A perfect speech should…
…Add Value to the Listener’s Lives
…Spur the Listener to action
…Attain it’s Objectives
“Now, how may I attain those three above” you may ask? Consider the following:
1. Know the purpose of Your Speech.
Begin with the end in mind. Do you want to entertain, inform, persuade or inspire?
2. Research
Do you know your audience? Do you know what turns them on?
Do you know what you’re talking about? Can you enhance your expertise by doing more research and gaining more insight and/or experience?
3. Delivery: Give it your ALL!
Many people restraint themselves during their delivery. I believe we’re mostly afraid to give our all during our public speaking performance because of the fear of rejection. What if the audience isn’t receptive to what I have to say?
Well, I’ve good news for you!
It’s a logical and perfectly normal to be afraid. Fear is here to protect us.
The key here lies in Point 2… and 1 Know your audience and what they want. Then seek to give them all the best performance you could muster.
Focus on your objective! Know exactly how/what you want the audience to know/react! Then GO ALL OUT to get it done! The bottom line is… the bottom line. You’re doing this speech to get something… and make sure you get it.
As they say, don’t miss the forest for the trees!
The why is more important than the how.
Know why you’re doing it… and the how will take care of itself.
Lastly.. to attain “perfection”, aren’t you going to put them to practise them now?
Speak with Passion!
Another Emcee-ing Project: SDE Dinner & Dance July 15, 2007
Posted by Gary in Events & Experiences, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
I had just concluded another Emcee project for the (NUS) School of Design and Environment Dinner and Dance yesterday evening at the Hilton Hotel. I must say that I totally enjoyed the experience!
More importantly though, the event allowed me another opportunity to put my skills to the test and gave me another opportunity for self-discovery and growth. And grow I did!
To share some of the insights gained yesterday’s experience, I’ll be noting some of my reflections and answers to some FAQs I received and noted over the entire evening:
1. Gary, are you nervous?
A friend who happened to the be an usher and helper for the evening came up to me and asked me this question (three times!) prior to the commencement of the dinner.
My response: Not yet!
In the midst of the rushing and ensuring that the sound system was set up and rehearsing, there was hardly any time to waste on being nervous. However, I knew full well that fear and nervousness would creep up on me as show time approached. After all, it isn’t the first time I’ve come face to face with these negative emotions… yet I knew I was getting better at handling them!
Ask any accomplished speaker if they’ve still got butterflies in my stomach prior to each presentation and I’ll guarantee you that 90% of them would say yes. (The remaining 10% are lying!)
The difference between an amateur speaker and an experience one merely lies in the fact that the latter has learned how to get his butterflies to fly in formation.
2. Did anything go wrong whilst you were on stage? How did you handle it?
Have you read my post on Effective Emcee-ing? Then, I mentioned that things may go wrong while you’re on stage, and by the grace of Murphy’s Law, would definitely go wrong! The Law was proven right again yesterday.
There were several changes to the programme as guests and sponsors couldn’t make it to the dinner on time. In that instance, it was critical to understand and accept the situation as it was than cry over spilt milk and react accordingly.
As an Emcee, it is critical that one remains cool and spontaneous – be ever ready to react to changes and the response of participants or guests who are with you on stage.
3. What’s the best thing you gotten out of this latest experience?
There are several actually. Some of the program highlights are:
a) Dealing with changes spontaneously
b) Putting my skills to the test
Entertaining a room full of academics and graduants, and the Permanent Secretary for National Development was a first for me.
The last time I Emceed at a Dinner and Dance was for the NUS Political Science Society who were hosting a room full of teenagers! So it was great to put my skills to the test in a room full of young adults and middle-aged professors! Alright, just in case some of you are checking out my blog, you aren’t that… mature*wink*!
c) Growth
I must say that yesterday’s project was one of the more challenging projects I’ve handled so far. Hey, the Permanent Secretary for National Development was there, and I’m dealing with a totally new crowd – ALONE! Talk about an act of courage!
Yet, I’m especially glad to have handle the challenges head on, whilst managing to discover of several areas which I can work on for my future projects.
***
It should be noted that every act of courage, and every experience, be it good or bad, serves to empower us. There are valuable lessons to be learned from each and everyone of them.
Whilst I’m delighted to play a part in the overall success of yesterday’s dinner (described by one as the best one in 4 years), I’m especially gratified to have completed another successful performance and “act of courage” under my belt.
How about that – doing the things which you never thought you you could do.
Now that’s what I call FUN!
Related Posts:
Effective Emcee-ing
It Just Keeps Getting Easier!
10 Tips to Improve Your Speech July 12, 2007
Posted by Gary in Image and Impressions, Negotiation, Networking & Small Talk, Personal Development, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide.4 comments
1. Speed Up, Slow Down
Varying your speed! You can slow down just before you reach the climax of your speech to add to the suspense. Or you can speed up to add drama and excitement to your story. Either way, you may add interest to your speech.
2. Vary your Tone
Same goes to your tone. You may use a high-pitched tone when describing a lady (or how your lady-boss howls at you at work) or a deep raspy one (like how Count Dracula might use to seduce his next victim).
Emulate a firm one for authority, or a more loose and relaxed on to generate that playful mood.
3. Vary your Volume
Increase your VOLUME to EMPHASIZE certain KEY words. Decrease it every now and then to make the audience strain to hear what you have to say.
Varying between the two can help you capture their attention whilst adding interest to the story you’re telling.
4. Pausing for Emphasis
This concept is pretty similar to varying your volume – somewhat. Have you noticed that the audience become particularly sensitive to their surrdoundings when silence is introduced suddenly in a room?
Wouldn’t you look up to check what’s going on the room when the speaker cuts off halfway in silence?
Make full use of this heightened sensitivity to drive home a key word or idea. The words or phrase following this silence should be as short as possible, preferably between 1 – 3 words, to avoid dampening the effect.
5. Eliminate Filler Words
Avoid using words like “Um”, “Er”, “Hmmm”. Generally, these words tend to convey a sense of uncertainty and suggests that you may be unsure of what you’re saying. These would definitely work against you during persuasive and/or sales speeches.
6. Smile!
Smiling (whenever necessary and appropriate) helps take fear away from your mind. Research has proven that a person’s state of mind may be affected by his physiology.
When you appear happy, confident and positive, your mind is forgets about fear and you’re left to enjoy your presentation.
Smile and the whole world smiles with you!
7. Animate
Animate your message! In moderation of course. Gesticulate while trying to make point. Use your fingers to number your points “Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly etc”.
I’ve also realised how powerful facial expressions can be where it comes to animating your messages. Raise your eyebrows to depict surprise or shock. Or squint your eyes to depict skepticism.
There’re a thousand and one ways you can make use of your facial expressions to animate your message. Play around with your expressions and discover what your face can do by practising in front of the mirror!
8. Relax
Most of us are usually able to relate and speak to our family and friends without much difficulty.
Our minds perform best when they’re relaxed and free. Like our muscles, our tensing up can only lead to cramps, and it wouldn’t be nice to have a mental ‘cramp’ while your speaking!
Relax by taking deep breaths and focus on having fun!
9. Practise, Practise, PRACTISE!
Now if you’re still reading this, you may wonder – How may I relax and have fun if I’ve never done “this” before?!
“This”, of course, refers to speaking in public for the first time, or speaking frequently in publc.
Well, to be completely honest, I didn’t enjoy the process of speaking when I first started too. IT WAS HORRIFYING!
But what I really enjoyed was the end product of speaking. I enjoyed knowing that I had taken a step that many others feared taking. And I enjoy having the knowledge that I’m a better person as a result of my act(s) of courage.
Now, I continually seek every opportunity to practise. Every act of courage I take propels me toward becoming a better speaker and person.
And I derive delight after each practice session!
10. Review
So is this a case of “Practise makes perfect”? – NO! It’s useless if you keep repeating the same mistake over and over again whilst hoping for a different a result!
Understand that there’s no perfect speech. Regardless of how good you are as a speaker, or how well delivered a speech was, there will ALWAYS be room for improvement.
Seek to improve yourself continuously. Review each speech session and see which are the areas you might need or want to pay greater attention to.
If required, record yourself and play it back for reviewing later.
Seek advice and feedback from your audience (where appropriate) to highlight blindspots.
Seek materials (like my blog! *winks*) to help you target specific areas for improvement!
Video: Enhancing Your Presentation Skills! July 8, 2007
Posted by Gary in Body Language, Public Speaking, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Videos & Podcast.add a comment
I chanced upon a video relating to presentation skills some time ago, detailing some great tips to note where it comes to public speaking. Now I really liked the tips highlighted in the video for being easy to use and their practicability in EVERY public speaking situation!
The speaker in the video is J. Douglas Jefferys. Douglas has trained thousands of satisfied participants in proper public speaking skills and continues to develop and edit dynamic on-screen presentations for top executives at many Fortune 500 companies.
For those of you who are interested to find out more about Mr J. Douglas Jefferys, you may check out this link highlighted above.
Otherwise, just check out the video below!
Cheers!
Power Sharing! Win Over a ‘Matchmaker’ in Less than 45mins! July 6, 2007
Posted by Gary in Dealing with People, Image and Impressions, Networking & Small Talk, The Shy Speakers' Guide, Thoughts and Reflections.add a comment
Great! I’ve just go back from a Toastmasters meeting a local tertiary institution and got to meet several new people (and friends)! The meeting was an eventful one. But what’s really got me piqued about my meeting new people was this little after-meeting conversation that took place with my new friend on our way home.
You see, I’ve never met this young lady prior to today’s meeting, but over next 45 minutes as we journeyed our way home together, we managed to share about our lives in school, past relationships, plans for the future, hobbies and interests, little gripes about her boyfriend and (are you ready for this?), she even offered to recommend me a girlfriend! My, talk about the power of networking!
Now how did I build that rapport over a meagre 45 minutes? Simple, go read my posts on Networking and Positive Image and Impressions!
Now seriously, throughout the conversation, my new friend hinted that I was “hyperactive” and that it was “apparent that (I) held myself in high esteem”. All these while I’m exhausted after my earlier exertions for taking part in an earlier camp (which explains my hiatus over the past week).
Hyperactive? High self-esteem? Are these the known characteristics of an introverted man?
I doubt it. Yet, this was the impression I gave her.
I’m not saying that I lied to win her trust or her friendship. I didn’t. I answered all her questions honestly and truthfully. Yet, despite our difference in age (I’m about half a decade older than her) and difference in our educational backgrounds, we managed to connect. And now we’re friends!
Like what I mentioned in my earlier post in It’s All About You, building rapport will require you to look through the other person’s perspectives and responses and build upon them. It’s also important that you understand what kind of “communication language” that other person is speaking. Noting her youth and exuberance, I could have killed the conversation with my lectures on how to be a better speaker and/or life in university.
Yet, our dialogue was just that – a dialogue! We spoke and we laughed at each other, with each other. And we enjoyed each others’ company throughout the duration of the bus ride! No awkward silences or blank stares.
Now how’s that for a tip on winning friends (and a potential matchmaker) over to your side in less than an hour?
